The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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