There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
pray to the hookup gods
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
