Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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