The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
