did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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