yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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