I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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