just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
