It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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