dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
