I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
