I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
