just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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