once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
