Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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