fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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