I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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