Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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