Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
