Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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