Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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