Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize