I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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