Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
