I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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