I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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