i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
