if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
