Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
