I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
