it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
