when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
