I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
