when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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