She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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