you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
