What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
