The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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