I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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