I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
