So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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