Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
love makes seman taste better
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
