How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
