its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize