i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
