I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
