went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
