chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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