I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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