your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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