Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
