HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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