I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
