My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
