just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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