we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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