i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize