he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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