there's paper in my vomit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize