So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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