Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
