3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She bit a glass in half.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
