I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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