so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
